I'll Say She Does by Peter Cheyney

Author:Peter Cheyney [Cheyney, Peter]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dean Street Press
Published: 2021-11-29T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Five

SOME MORE JUANELLA

Maybe you guys are aware of the fact that the English are great on sayin’s, proverbs, an’ what-have-you-got generally. Any time some English bozo finds that he is at a loss for words an’ cannot explain somethin’ that he probably does not know anythin’ about anyway, then you will find that the said bozo will quote some proverb at you. By the time that you have worked this proverb out—that is supposin’ you ever get around to workin’ it out—then the English guy has either disappeared or has thought up somethin’ else.

This is the reason why the English are a very great people. Because anythin’ they do not wish to understand they just let ride good an’ plenty. Like maybe you heard about James Second or some such mug who, bein’ told that his latest girl friend had been seen havin’ fun an’ games with Lord High Admiral, says “We are not amused,” an’ sends the Lord High Admiral off to discover some new country hopin’ that this palooka will be well an’ truly masticated by man-eatin’ cannibals while he is on the job.

Instead of which the guy goes off an’ does discover some place, comes back an’ says: “And how do you like that, Kingsie-Wingsie?” After which James Second bein’ by this time slightly wearied by the contour map of the dame in question, gives three hearty cheers, starts knightin’ everybody in sight an’ celebrates by puttin’ a tax on beer-spigots.

This is the reason why the English have got such a helluva big Empire an’ it will also show you that the old-time Kings around here musta had a tough time with their girl friends, an’ is also responsible for the proverb that says “Love makes the world go round.”

Anyway this proverb is all hooey because Love does not make the world go round. It only seems to make it go round. An’ the same sensations can be experienced much cheaper by drinkin’ a lot of bootleg liquor on an empty stomach.

All of which great thoughts come crowdin’ around on me because it is nearly twelve o’clock midnight an’ I am standin’ by the side door of the Square Bottle waitin’ for Juanella to show up an’ wonderin’ whether that babe is really gonna do her stuff an’ report for duty or whether she is gonna take a run-out powder on me an’ scram before I start somethin’.

It is a lovely night an’ there is a moon an’ there are shadows an’ moonbeams all over the place. I am feelin’ so goddam poetic that it nearly makes me feel sick an’ I get around to thinkin’ about all the lovelies that I have met up with in different parts of the globe an’ also about that sister of Varley’s who believe it or not is definitely a queen woman if ever I saw one.

An’ the guy who said that this was the witchin’ hour of midnight certainly knew his vermicelli—at least I reckon he did—but I did not rightly know what the mug meant by “witchin’”.

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